Messy Life

“My happiness is rare and I sruggle with my loneliness.

Then I get used to it as I get used to my bad temper in the past.”

In my vague memory, I was just a cheerful girl with a bad temper. I can’t get well along with my friends and family. Meanwhile, I was easy to be annoyed and be angry in tiny things. However, it now seems like a sign of my “new friend” who pushes me into the abyss. When my “new friend” comes to me, I can’t feel anything, and I can’t give any reactions. The only thing I can do is just finish my task from study life and make sure they won’t take any extra troubles to me.

Each time I can felt “he” came, but I can not do anything because I was just frozen and felt nothing except angry and anxiety. And when you find that you can’t focus on anything and you don’t want to live in this life anymore, it’s ridiculous that you still need to do your job due to your damn sense of responsibility.

No one can help me to get rid of my “new friend,” but I decided to learn how to deal with the problem he took to me. And also, I learned some different ways to get along with him. He was just like a naughty boy with some tricks which may destroy your life, I tried to mix them into my body and left some spaces to dissolve them. The whole process, just like a chemical experiment with nervous and exciting, maybe sometimes poisonous, we need to be careful.

I would like to show all of you my steps to do this experiment and make sure you can try them also. The bad emotion with some anxiety, some angry and lots of depression can die down after you add some happiness and energy into the flask.

Don’t be afraid of the terrible colour of the bad emotion, try your best with “isibindi” like a king of lion. (the word in the isiZulu language, means ‘courage’)